The empty chair videos

The empty chair: Introduction

Video transcript

Male Voice 1: It’s the only job in the police that’s, you know, even brought me to tears.

Male Voice 2: I knew something was wrong, I wasn’t myself.

Female Voice 1: I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I felt physically sick.

Male Voice 3: Yeah, there’s that overwhelming sense of sadness and loss and going through that grieving process.

Male Voice 4: And then the dreams came, I had terrible dreams in relation to, about the child.

Female Voice 2: My world kind of came crashing in and I basically, I struggled to get off the couch.

[Video plays without conversation 00:00:55 - 00:01:20]

Male Voice 2: I’ve progressed to the point where I’m probably in a better place than I’ve been in a long time. Possibly years.

Female Voice 1: I cannot talk highly enough of how important it is that when you’re going through, to be able to seek help.

Male Voice 3: And if you have the strength to deal with that, or if you have the strength to talk to some colleagues and friends about how you feel, that’s really important. In fact, that can be the most important factor in coming out the other end.

Male Voice 1: So for me, I’ve gone from having basically no energy, sometimes struggling even to stand up, to riding my bike for four hours and still feeling good at the end and having full cognitive function again. Basically completely back to normal.

Male Voice 4: Having that kind of blowout, getting it out there, for an hour and a half, I just felt, when I left that building, I just felt so much better, you know. It was just a huge weight had been lifted.

Female Voice 2: I felt like I wasn’t walking around with, you know, a real heavy backpack, as such. It was, life was just easier, it just flowed, you know. My work life, my home life, it all just gelled together.

Brad: Hi, I’m Brad Greenstreet, I’m a detective here in Christchurch and I love this job. It’s a great job; there’s a lot of exciting opportunities and there’s a lot of fantastic people that we work with. But it can take a toll. The trauma, the stress, stress from inside the job and stress in our personal lives, outside of the job. Personally, I’ve dealt with post-traumatic stress and been through depression, but with the right support, I got through it.

One thing I’ve learned is that we all go through hard times and that’s why it’s vitally important that we can look after ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally. Right now, that might be you, it might be your [?? I-car 00:03:56] partner or somebody that you’re working with in the office, it might be your boss or it might be one of your staff. There’s an old proverb that says a sound mind makes a robust body, but a runaway heart corrodes the bones. And to me, that just highlights the relationship between our physical, mental and emotional health. That’s why it’s really important to remember if something’s not right, that you talk to somebody that you trust. Because it’s OK to talk about this stuff and it’s OK to ask for help.

Over the next few weeks, you’ll get the opportunity to watch videos of our colleagues, that you’ve just seen, who have bravely chosen to share an experience that they have been through so that we can learn from their experience. And I really encourage you to take on board the advice that they give because if we can do that, we’re going to have a healthier workplace, we’re going to have happier personal and family lives and we’ll be in a better position to serve the communities that we work in.

The empty chair: Mike Ford

Video transcript

Mike Ford: My name is Michael Ford, I’m an acting Detective Inspector and I’ve been in the police for 23 years.

It was a Friday night, I’d just started the duty CIB supervisor, I’d just gone to bed, probably about 11.30, when I received a telephone call from the crime car advising me that a young child had serious injuries and was being taken to hospital. From the information that I obtained I decided to go into work just to keep an eye on the job, we didn’t really know what we were dealing with at this stage.

By the time I arrived at work I was briefed by a senior sergeant who advised me that the child had died and I received more information during the evening just in relation to the seriousness of the injuries. From early on we were looking at an unexplained death with a child of serious injuries. From other information we received earlier that morning a homicide investigation commenced of which I was one of the lead officers involved in that.

Just in relation to that it was probably one of my first investigations involving a young child, I had children myself and the horrible thing in relation to this was the deceased child looked very much like my young son at a similar age and that really hit home.

I didn’t get a lot of sleep, I remember I got into work, like I say, just before midnight and I didn’t get home until about 7 o’clock the following morning. I had a couple of hours sleep and then I was back into work again running it. And looking back on it it’s the lack of sleep that can really wear you out and, obviously, the pressure as well in relation to running these jobs.

You know, you have expectations placed on you by colleagues, staff and also yourself so there was a lot of pressure and, obviously, also the pressure from the deceased’s family in relation to what actually happened. So any homicide investigation the first three or four days is pretty hectic, you are working long hours, you’re constantly thinking about the investigation, what needs to be done, managing staff and also ensure their welfare as well.

I started realising there was something wrong with me fairly early in the piece sleep wise, I would wake up at 3 o’clock every morning, every day, really, really hot, like sweating hot. That went for a long time and I just didn’t think that was quite right, normally I was a pretty good sleeper so that was one of the warning signs in relation to starting to feel unwell.

And then the dreams came where I had terrible dreams in relation to the child and that really affected me, as well. As a result of losing sleep and having these dreams, you know, physically I was worn out, I was just very, very tired. Close friends and family were commenting that I looked exhausted and something like this you don’t see it yourself, I think those people closer to you recognise those stresses or those symptoms before you do.

People were telling me that I looked exhausted and I never really took it on board, I thought I could just charge through this, you know. I like to think I’m a fairly resilient person and I have been right through the police career, but it’s just this one particular case that, kind of, gave me a bit of a kicking.

I knew I had to get help and I spoke to welfare pretty much a week into it and I was referred to police psych which was really amazing. So I went to see him and I spent an hour and a half with him on the first session talking about my feelings and it was reassuring that it was perfectly normal in relation to how I was feeling.

It was just amazing that even that, kind of, blow out, you know, getting it out there for an hour and a half when I left that building I just felt so much better, you know, it was just a huge weight had been lifted. I probably still looked terrible but as far as feelings go I remember getting in the car and driving back to work feeling so much better.

So that was the first session there was a lot I got out and then I went to see him again about a week later and after that time I was a hell of a lot better and it was only probably a half an hour session. That’s all I needed but I did need help and if I hadn’t got it I would have been no good to, obviously, myself, my family or my colleagues.

What I want to stress is that if you are feeling like this it’s just so, so important that you actually speak to someone and get help for yourself. So if the staff ever came and asked or disclosed information as to how they were feeling I would be quite happy about it in one way because, you know, that would show me that they’ve got trust in me to actually disclose that kind of information.

Everyone has issues throughout their life and the nature of our work if you weren't affected in some way I think that’s when there would be actually issues in relation to your personality or your behaviour. I don’t know what the stats are but I’m sure they’re high in relation to stress with police, but if you get assistance and get on top of it and are able to manage it there’s no reason why you cannot fully function as a police officer.

It's those that don’t identify those risks and tell someone that they can trust, it doesn’t need to be a supervisor, that have huge issues within the job, within their own health and that has that flying effect into their families.

Corrie Parnell: Hello, I’m Corrie Parnell, I’m currently the Crime Manager for the Canterbury District.

Staff welfare is important to me and I would like this to be very much at the forefront of our people as they progress through their police careers. Without doubt the job we do is tough, particularly within the CIB world, both physically and mentally.

I personally have had some extremely tough times throughout my police career and I know the impact this has had on those around me, partiuilcarly the ones I love. Furthermore, I’m very much aware of the impacts of suicide that it can have, having experienced this also within my own family.

What I have learnt over my police journey to date is that it’s critically important to talk about this stuff and, furthermore, not to be ashamed about it or certainly see it as a weakness in terms of sharing how you’re feeling with others. And, importantly, to seek help from others during those times.

Thank you.

The empty chair: Emily Noonan

Video transcript

Emily Noonan: Hi, I’m Constable Emily Noonan, I’ve been working in the Christchurch Police for about 12 years.

I was quite a new cop, just started out in the job, I was finding my way, working out where I fit in the group that I was working with, juggling shift work and the actual role of policing. And I knew I didn’t feel right but I just wasn’t sure exactly what it was. I thought I was also juggling a young baby at home with shift work and I just put it down to that.

But I noticed that my files were piling up, I was worrying about my place within the group and I found that I was worrying about insignificant things that, you know, really you shouldn’t be worrying about. Then I made some dumb mistakes at work and my world, kind of, came crashing in and I, basically, struggled to get off the couch and I struggled to think positively, then that’s when I realised that I had depression.

Luckily, our police welfare officers noticed this and had a good chat with me and referred me to a fantastic clinical psychologist. Now, it took a lot of energy and a lot of time, I did manage to build up my mental health with the help of the psychologist and it’s when I realised that this big dark cloud that I had been living under, I didn’t actually have to. I didn’t have to feel negative all the time, that there was hope at the end of that, you know, dark tunnel.

Even though I was under the care of a psychologist depression was still a taboo subject, it just wasn’t something that I felt comfortable talking about so very few of my friends knew. All they could see was someone, you know, acting differently and I wasn’t my cheerful happy self, so it made it hard for them to comprehend what I was actually going through and in turn I was going through it pretty much by myself.

I learnt to acknowledge what was going on within myself and be more open about it so people around me could actually understand a bit more about depression. I eventually returned back to work and policing was actually easy when I didn’t have this cloud hanging over my head. And I was actually focusing on work itself and not the small insignificant things that had previously worried me.

Every now and then the cloud, you know, it does, it comes back, but I’ve learnt to check in with myself, basically. I ensure that my work/life balance is in order, it could be a simple cup of coffee with a mate and it just brings me back to, you know, happiness. Sometimes I will check in with the welfare officer and it’s good to know that they have my back and feel as though someone is keeping an eye out for me.

If work has been particularly tough I will go back and see the psychologist and, you know, discuss work and make sure that I’m doing all the right things to keep that dark cloud away.

Phil Manhire: Hi, I’m Phil Manhire one of the welfare officers in the [unintelligible 00:03:49] district. Do you enjoy good physical health? What about good mental health? Obviously, you can’t have one without the other.

You will all have seen some of your colleagues talking about their experiences, real people and very normal stuff. The ability to have safe conversations around mental health in the workplace with colleagues is a precursor to recognising what good mental health looks like.

Police staff and their families are at greater risk due to shift work, what they see and do, plus the cumulative effects of the wear and tear of policing. Welfare has a range or resources available that can help. All contact is confidential. Let’s all strive to have safe minds on the job.

The empty chair: Jamie Leigh Burgman

Video transcript

Jamie Leigh: Hi, I’m Jamie Leigh, I’ve been in the police for 11 years and I’m a detective in CIS.

So I just want to share my experience with you when I returned back from maternity leave in April 2014, and I returned back part time and I returned full time in August 2014. When I returned back to work within a couple of weeks the first baby death occurred that I had ever worked on and I found it, actually, really quite difficult because when I gave birth I actually had quite a difficult birth and suffered a haemorrhage and became quite ill. I actually struggled to connect with my own child for, you know, quite a long time and it was, sort of, one of the reasons why I wanted to return back quite early.

And so I had never actually experienced a baby death before, particularly a murder, and working on that and knowing the horrific injuries that occurred to that child was really quite horrible. I tried to come to work and put on a brave face, you know, I would do my job and this is what I’m here to do but actually, you know, I suffered quite a bit inside.

Within one year I had been to four baby deaths and in some respects they were quite significant for me. There was one cot death that I went to that as I walked up the driveway my supervisor told me the name of the mother and I remembered the name. As I walked up to her I said to her, hi, do you remember me? And she wrapped me in this big hug and she said to me, I never thought I would see you again. It was a very genuine exchange and it was really heart breaking, actually, and she was completely distraught.

And I just worked with her for the next few hours just, basically, being family liaison and seeing the baby in the bed passed away and with her being very distraught I really struggled holding back to the tears. I was actually really lucky to have a supervisor and colleague that were quite supportive of that because I felt quite embarrassed but the physiological responses, you know, are quite hard to control sometimes.

I think coming home to my child and dealing with those baby deaths it was actually quite difficult I found. I couldn’t sleep, I felt physically sick and I came to work one day and remember walking down the hallway to the café and struggling to hold back the tears and I knew that I had to go and see [unintelligible 00:03:52], you know, and even now it’s quite … you take yourself back.

So I knew that I had to go and see [unintelligible 00:04:03] and I asked him if I could go and see a psychologist, just to try and work through some of those emotions that I was feeling, because I wasn’t in a good space and I knew perhaps that that was affecting some of my decision making, as well. And the thing is with this job, you know, I love this job and I want to be able to do the best that I can and that will mean that I have to attend incidents that are quite traumatic. So how do I cope with it? How do I work through that trauma so that I can effectively do my job well?

He was really good and I got referred to a psychologist and I also ended up taking a holistic approach to what I was going through. I wanted to be able to deal with the physical and the emotional and the mental responses that were coming up for me and, you know, the psychologist gave me some tools in relation to being able to cope so that was really good.

So those first four baby deaths, you know, were quite tough for me and I had to work really, really hard on what was going on within so that I could come to work and do a good job. And then the last two were quite important because it actually showed me how far I had come, because what I’ve learnt now is when I leave work I make a very big effort to disconnect.

It’s an intent, I think about it and I say, you know, I’m not taking anything home from work, I’m leaving it at work. Because, actually, if I take things home and if I constantly think about what I have to do the next day, or I haven't done this, I haven't done that, I actually don’t give myself a break and I usually just cause myself quite a lot of stress which then affects my family as well.

I cannot talk highly enough of how important it is that when you’re going through that to be able to seek help, that psychologist was a god send for me and I visited her regularly and we worked through things and I started to feel good again and feel good about what I was doing.

David Sweeney: Hi, I’m Detective Inspector Darrel Sweeney, I’m a Field Crime Manager here in Christchurch. I’ve got around about 100 staff that work with me each day. I’m very conscious in a modern policing environment that this is an arduous business at times and we often forget ourselves the daily pressures and stresses that we find ourselves under.

I’m very conscious of those that work with me each day that those pressures are managed. It’s often the small things that affect us in our daily lives in the police and something that we might not think matters now will have an effect later. What I tend to find is we manage well on large investigations but often it’s our daily business we don’t engage welfare for.

My overall message is that you should and do it often seek the advice of welfare services and counselling support. For me personally I have experienced stresses in the job where I have overlaid serious crimes onto that of my own family. I sought three sessions with a psychologist and it worked for me so overall I would encourage you to do the same.

The empty chair: Chris Scott

Video transcript

Chris Scott: Senior Sergeant Chris Scott and I’ve been in the police for 20 years.

In late 2016 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. How did this come about? It’s not an easy answer to that, that’s multiple factors, cumulative factors over 20 years of policing and over a lifetime, really.

But if I think about what might have … or what probably affected the severity of my illness was a triple fatality I dealt with in 2014 which involved two girls aged 12 who were friends and one of their mothers. It’s the only job in the police that’s ever brought me to tears.

I will never forget walking into the mortuary and seeing the bodies lying there and one of the girls wearing pink Converse shoes, which is what I’d just bought for my daughter at around that same time. And the other girl was wearing a blue netball uniform which was exactly the same as my, or very similar to my daughter’s hockey uniform. So there were just so many similarities there, same age and all of that.

I started noticing changes within myself, the main one was just fatigue, mental fatigue, I’d wake up and I was unrefreshed from sleep, I’d feel tired all day long, it was particularly worse in the morning. My short term memory would start to go, my cognitive function was going, trying to read a book or read something I couldn’t digest what I was reading. And at night I would have poor sleep and I’d have quite, sort of, vivid dreams about just bizarre stuff.

Then it all came to a head and family members recommended I go see someone. So I approached one of our welfare officers here and within, I don’t know, three or four days I was talking to a police psychologist. Actually, one of the first things she said to me was, you look really tired, I was like, yes, I’m tired all the time and it just, sort of, went from there. And as she dug deeper and asked more questions it became, sort of, apparent what I was going through.

As far as traumatic incidents go that’s one type of stresser that we all suffer, especially in emergency services and I, sort of, liken it to having a stress bucket and it’s one thing that will go into the stress bucket. And if you think of the bucket having a tap at the bottom you’ve got all these different stressers going in, no matter what they might be, you know, it might be lack of sleep, it might be traumatic incidents. A number of factors that it could be they’re all going into the bucket and if that tap at the bottom is not being turned on and releasing some of that stress then it can hit, sort of, boiling point.

OK, when I look at things that were filling my stress bucket over my career there’s certainly a little bit of anxiety there as I would set very high standards for myself and my career. Not just for my career, outside of the job as well with sport and other things. I wanted to be a higher achiever and I pushed myself pretty hard to get that, put a lot of pressure on myself. I know we all do that and I think that’s OK in a way but I probably wasn’t releasing the stress that would go with it at the same time, things just weren't balanced. The right amount of sleep, for years I was on earlies, then I worked in the Selwyn District where you’re on call, so the on call stresser is a factor that goes into your bucket.

For me seeing a psychologist was a way of turning on that tap and releasing some of that stress in that stress bucket and I found it very helpful. Probably making that step was so critical for the road for me to recovery and getting my health back to normal. Along with the psychological counselling I had to rebalance my lifestyle, things like better sleep, medication, supplements, a better diet and regular exercise, and all that together is a good combination for getting you on the right road to recovery.

So for me I’ve gone from having basically no energy, sometimes struggling even to stand up, to riding my bike for four hours and still feeling good at the end and having full cognitive function again and, basically, completely back to normal. I think if you’re struggling with any type of stress or incident or multiple incidents it’s helpful to talk to somebody, whether it’s a colleague, friend, family member, your boss or a welfare officer, or if you want referral to a police psychologist it’s there. But I recommend from my own experience do it sooner rather than later.

When I look back at my time as a PST supervisor, I can think of a cot death that I went to where a couple of my staff had young babies at the time who were in tears. In hindsight I wish I had actually referred them to perhaps a professional counselling.

Yes, I think it’s probably one thing that men in general are not particularly good at is accepting that they are struggling with something and that they should get some help. And that’s become, sort of, apparent in what I’ve learnt about a lot of mental health since I became unwell. For me it was just like I didn’t think I needed it when in hindsight I most certainly did.

I chose to tell people about my illness, I was quite happy talking about it, I accept that not everybody would be. But if you want to keep it confidential that’s fine and if you want to seek professional help through the police that’s all confidential too.

A big thing that I was worried about when I was diagnosed was that I was going to lose my job, I thought, you know, you don’t particularly hear of people talking about suffering, in the policy anyway, suffering from depression and I was worried that I was going to lose my job as a result of it. But it quickly became apparent talking to supervisors and colleagues, our welfare officer and our police psychologist that that’s not going to happen, you’re not going to lose your job. It’s a very treatable, very beatable illness and with the right treatment you will be on the road to recovery pretty quickly.

John Price: The [purposeful? 00:07:19] places that we must be safe and feel safe and for me that starts with us as our team, our police team. It’s very important that we care for each other, and by caring for each other we’ve got to look out for each other and to make sure that everyone’s health is 100 percent.

We do a challenging hard job every single day we come to work, but that job can pay a toll on some of us, me included, and to be better we’ve got to care for each other. So my challenge out to us all as we go about doing what we do, look after your colleagues, look after your friends, and then we can ensure that we will all be safe and feel safe.

The empty chair: Murray Wickliffe

Video transcript

Murray Wickliffe: So my name is Murray Wickliffe, I’m a Constable currently working in Christchurch, I have six years in the police.

I couldn’t see a way out, there were definitely thoughts of what is referred to I think as death by truck.

So round about two years ago my wife and I made the decision to move from [Unintelligible 00:00:37] to Christchurch. We were making the move to be closer to family down here, two little grandchildren, and we wanted to be part of their life. Within probably a month to six weeks she had secured a job and we were on our way.

I applied for a welfare transfer, in all fairness, the welfare officer up there told me, it’s going to be difficult, there is no timeline that they could give me but, you know, we were on our way so we made the move. And for a start we had two lots of rent, two lots of power, living expenses, air flights up and down so we could keep in touch and I rented a flat up in [Unintelligible 00:01:28].

It was a hard time, we had the separation for me it was hard but I think for my wife it was a bit harder. Rather than put my take on it back to her and bear my stresses I would just take it, suck it up. And about February of 2016 I secured a one month position in Grey Mouth, just one month secondment, it wasn’t ideal but it put me on the same island.

I was pretty much back on my way to [Unintelligible 00:02:09] when I got a call from Christchurch saying that I had a position in Ashburton if I wanted it. I leapt at it boots and all, this was great, it was perfect, it was exactly what we were after. We went straight into buying a house in Rolleston, so South Christchurch, this would allow me to commute between Ashburton and Rolleston to work every day, be home every night, the perfect lifestyle, so we thought.

By then I think pretty much the damage was done, the commuting took a toll, the financial stress, the separation had already taken a toll. My motivation went down, I couldn’t get up in the morning, when I did I would get out into the lounge, I would lie down in the lounge and I would fall asleep.

So I think towards the end of it and crunch time, I remember it well, I was sitting talking to my section sergeant and that was it, I lost it. I couldn’t stop, the tears started flowing, I took a deep breath and I said, that’s it, I’m out of here. And he questioned me and I said it again and I walked out, went back to the locker room, grabbed my bag, jumped in my car. I sat there for a short time to gather my thoughts, the tears still coming out, it was a pretty horrible time.

But, again, at that point I don’t think … I knew something was wrong, I wasn’t myself. Pretty much the whole time … I think at that point I couldn’t see a way out, there were definitely thoughts of what is referred to I think as death by truck. So I’d spent the 45 minutes driving home pretty much in tears, looking at the trucks coming the other way … Yes, some bad memories. Looking at the trucks coming towards me and thinking it’s a flick of the steering wheel, yes, a matter of seconds it could be done, all the stress, all the pain.

I made it home then it’s kind of a blur from there on. I had a chat to my wife, I told her what was … not the whole thing but I told her bits of what had gone on through the day and that I was going to take some time off. I booked into the doctor and I knew at that point I had somebody I could talk to, because I hadn’t spoken about it up until then. And I knew from her reaction she understood, she took me seriously and diagnosed me at that point and said, it’s depression.

From there the whole journey from my doctors onwards was good. There was someone to talk to, some reassurance, some direction, she laid it all out really simply for me, you’ll do this, you’ll do that. She made some phone calls, gave me some numbers and I realised at that point there was a way out.

So it’s all a bit of a blur from there on but I contacted the police welfare officer, I had a chat to him, met with a clinical psychologist, she came on board and she’s just amazing. For having somebody there to talk to, an outlet, something I hadn’t been able to do for over a year, about 18 months, I guess, being from an older school it’s just not the done thing.

But if it starts from talking about it and builds from there, and it did for me, it has worked. I’m in a good place now, I gave them everything I could and I’ve progressed to the point where I’m probably in a better place than I’ve been in a long time, possibly years.

When I got to the end of it it was a pretty dark place, people talk about a dark place and it is and you probably don’t realise it until you’re there, in fact, you probably don’t realise it until you’re right at the bottom or back on your way up. Take a good look at yourself, if it doesn’t seem right it’s probably not right, speak to someone, there is so much support out there.

And the relief that I got from speaking to the likes of the doctor and police welfare, clinical psychologist was that it’s not unusual. There was comfort in knowing that I wasn’t alone, that there were a lot of people going through the same thing.

Hirone Waretine: I’m Hirone Waretine and I’m the District Manager for [Unintelligible 00:08:27] Services.

Welfare in its very simplest sense is about how you’re doing, it’s about wellbeing physical, mental, emotional and intellectual. And, if anything, in 21 years what I’ve been taught is, if you’re not right, if things aren't going well you do need to tell someone. As a leader in the organisation now I’m not going to get any kind of good result on behalf of myself and my team if I’m not right or my team is not right.

So my message to you and my message to anybody is, if you feel like things aren't right for you or your friend or your colleague, or even your boss, if your boss is acting stressed out and out of the ordinary have a quiet word, speak to welfare and engage. It costs nothing to say something and you’re not going to lose anything. Not doing anything we’ve got a lot more to lose.

The empty chair: Dave Harvey

Video transcript

Dave Harvey: I’m Sergeant Dave Harvey, I’ve been in the police for 46 years.

During the 46 years I’ve been in the police I’ve experienced a wide range of jobs and experiences. Probably last year was one of the more challenging years for me, especially in July. On the 25th July my mother died at [Billed? 00:00:34] Hospital and I went to see her later that afternoon, then two days later we had a funeral service for mum.

A day or two after that we had a burglary at home where a large amount of farm equipment from my workshop was stolen. That same morning, that was at 5 o’clock in the morning, that same morning I was busy preparing for our dear friend, Richie Ryan, who passed away last year, I was busy working on planning his funeral service and the ceremonial processes around that. In terms of dealing with bereavement, yes, there’s that overwhelming sense of sadness and loss and going through that grieving process. And, yes, I think with doing the planning for Richie’s farewell I probably didn’t sleep much for probably the two or three days prior to.

I probably only got two or three hours sleep because all these things were running through my head about the colour party and doing this and getting a temporary management place in place, shutting the road off and doing other things. It was the biggest police funeral that I’ve ever been part of and we wanted to make sure it was 100 percent right so, yes, that took a lot of emotional energy. But, yes, looking back it turned out really well.

So there were four things that happened to me in the space of less than two weeks. As I said earlier, I’ve had a lot of experience in dealing with different things, perhaps not quite as much as that in such a short space of time. You might wonder how I dealt with it, well, when mum died I had a couple of whiskies because she always liked a spot and I remember my dad as well. I got a phone call from the District Commander, I got a phone call from a couple of inspectors and some other colleagues, which meant a huge amount to me.

When we suffered the burglary I came into work and was working away when a well known Detective Sergeant approached me and said, I’ve heard about your burglary do you want a hand and that, again, meant a lot to me. There was some work done behind the scenes, we never did catch the offenders but, again, the police support was huge.

For all of us who worked the day and participated in the farewell to Richie that was a hugely emotional day and I think we all saw just how much the police family mean to us all. Huge, I was honoured to be part of that and I look back on that whole period culminating in the farewell for Richie.

How do you deal with things that happen to you? Well, the burglary, I got angry and quite concerned that someone had come into our property and stolen my chainsaws and other gear. My wife was, obviously, concerned about the violation of the property so you get to understand how victims feel and I was a victim then.

In terms of my dear old mum, she’d had a great life, she was 97 when she died and it was her time. How I dealt with Richie was that I compared that the fact that my mother had a full and long life whereas Richie was taken much too early. And, again, talking to friends and coming to that understanding that life does throw these challenges at us and it’s up to us along with strong support from work colleagues, which can make all the difference to how we come out the other end.

The police have a very, very good trauma policy which I have used in the past and that has been a great assistance to me. So I would encourage all of you, if you feel the need to, to talk about some issues that you have to do so at the first available opportunity and not let things bottle up. There’s any number of people around here that I respect who would be willing to assist you, give you some advice.

But, yes, you do get, like, working on a major investigation or going through [unintelligible 00:05:43], you know, we do, we all experience moments or periods of time when we’ve been really tired, really frustrated. And, yes, it’s about thinking that it’s OK that you feel angry, and it’s OK that you feel sad, that’s a perfectly natural reaction. If you have the strength to deal with that or if you have the strength to talk to some colleagues and friends about how you feel that’s really important, in fact, that can be the most important factor in coming out the other end.

Derek Erasmus: Hi, I’m Derek Erasmus, I’m the Inspector in charge of the PSTs in Christchurch Metro. My experience has been over many years that you are going to face stressful situations and the biggest thing that I’ve learnt from that is, don’t take it home, because I have in the past.

What you need to do is to talk to your workmates, talk to your boss, talk to welfare about the situation. If you’re offered a psychological debrief take it up. I know those who have not taken up that opportunity, I know those who have bottled it up, those are the people who end up being bitter, stressed and no fun to be around and they eventually leave.

Those who talk about it, who talk about it with their mates and with their bosses and with welfare, they get over it, they get through the situation. That’s what we all need to do, I’ve done that in the past and it’s been successful.

Thank you.